i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
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