I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
