While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
