I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Randomize
