You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
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