I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
