Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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