eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
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