I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I am spending my child support on dildos
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
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