The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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