He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
