im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
