Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
