i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Randomize
