i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
