She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
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