dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
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