I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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