last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Randomize
