I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
