I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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