i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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