Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
