I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
this just has baby written all over it
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Randomize
