we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
