i may or may not be watching the land before time
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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