I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
