Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
All I want is dick and wine.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
