He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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