my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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