she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize