At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
