I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize