when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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