my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Randomize
