I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
