Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
