You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
