I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
