Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
