I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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