Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
