so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
