here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
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