He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
