Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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