I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
