If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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