There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
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