After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
i now understand why vodka
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
