so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
