we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
