Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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