I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
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