Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize
