Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
