I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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