Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
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