sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
