The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
