even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Randomize
