The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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