I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
