my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
