My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
we made out on top of his cat.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
How's work?
Spinning.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Congratulations! We have a period
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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