My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
