I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
