At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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