i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
