i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Randomize