Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
