There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize