The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
