Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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