do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
