I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
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