We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Randomize
