Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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