pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
