he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
